18 Life Lessons From a Round of Miniature Golf

1. The straightest path to where you're going isn't always going to be the best one. There are going to be twists, turns and bumps along the way. Keep an open mind, and consider all the angles.
2. You're not always going to find yourself on level ground. There might be uphill climbs and surprise downturns–but sometimes, you can make the slopes work in your favor.
3. If you go too hard from the start, you might shoot right past where you're aiming and find yourself in a more difficult spot than where you began.
4. Sometimes you'll get lucky on a long shot, and other times, you'll miss an easy tap-in. You've just got to trust in yourself and hope that more breaks go your way than not.
5. Just because your sister did better than you on that hole doesn't mean she's cheating.
6. You're going to encounter obstacles, and some of them are going to trip you up multiple times before you get past them. That's just life.
7. You could try being happy for your sister, you know. It wouldn't kill you.
8. Getting angry doesn't solve any problems. Try to keep a cool head, and remember that every new hole starts at zero strokes.
9. No, I'm not cheating either. I'm thirty years older than you, and I've played this game a lot more than you have. I've been trying to give you pointers but you're not listening to me. I am keeping score accurately.
10. If you play for a hole-in-one every time, you might make one or two—but if you play it safe and steady, you've got a better chance of coming out ahead in the long run.
11. We're not going to get pizza later if you keep accusing me of cheating.
12. I didn't promise anything. I said we were probably going to get pizza afterwards, but we're definitely not going when you're acting like this. We can just eat whatever we have back at the house. Now, come on, I've been trying to do a whole All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten sort of thing here, and you're messing up my flow.
13. Of course it's trite and reductive, but that sort of stuff makes a lot of money. Having kids isn't cheap, you know? At the rate college tuition is going, your dad is going to have to strike it rich with something stupid, and pop-philosophy schlock never goes completely out of style. You just gotta find the right angle. Honestly, I really thought I was onto something with this mini golf thing.
14. No, that's not why I brought you here. This was your idea, remember? You begged to play mini golf, and I knew it was going to go poorly. We had a whole conversation about it in the car before we even went into the shop! You promised that you weren't going to get mad, and I said we'd get piz– I said we MIGHT get pizza afterward. Now, come on, we've been out on this course for almost two hours. We need to finish strong.
15. You need to play your own game, but there's no harm in watching what others are doing–you might learn something from seeing how they've succeeded, or from how they've failed.
16. Right, like I just did.
17. Just because I used those words doesn't mean you're allowed to use them. Now, come on, we need to go. It looks like the employees are waiting to lock up.
18. Yes, we can get pizza. It's the only thing still open.

–Scott Hines (@actioncookbook)