COCKTAIL: The Noon Kickoff

This cocktail originally appeared in the September 3, 2021 edition of The Action Cookbook Newsletter.

I love a night game. Take tens of thousands of fans, lubricate them well, and shove them under the lights in a venue like Death Valley or Death Valley or Nippert Stadium, and there’s nothing quite like it.

Of course, if you’re not one of the handful of programs that network executives think regularly merit an 8pm kickoff, you’re often consigned instead to the sleepiest of football purgatories: the dreaded noon kickoff. It presents a lot of logistical dilemmas to start a game while half the country’s barely woken up, but specifically, it’s a real challenge when it comes to tailgating. If you want to squeeze in any revelry before an early game, you’ve got to be up with the first rays of dawn.

Well, I’ve been subjected to this fate plenty myself, and so I know how to handle it. You just need to add something with a little more kick to your tailgate plan. A little zing in your ting-tang, as they say. Things haven’t been the same since The Man banned original recipe FourLoko (RIP), but I’ve got something just as powerful; a boozed-up rowdy cousin to the Pensacola pioneered by my pal Steven Godfrey.

I call it The Noon Kickoff.

The Noon Kickoff

• 1.5 ounces cold brew coffee concentrate
• 1.5 ounces dark spiced rum; as you can see, I used Kraken
• 1 ounce Aperol
• 1/2 ounce fresh lemon juice (squeeze half a lemon, basically)
• A few dashes chocolate bitters (optional, but worthwhile)
• Topo Chico mineral seltzer to top

There are lots of coffee-based cocktails out there, but a dispiriting number of them start with regular-strength coffee. I think that’s a mistake. Putting an ounce or two of coffee into a full-sized drink is barely going to give you any caffeine or flavor, and the whole point of this is to be a tasty eye-opener. That’s where I think using concentrate is essential; I used the little Starbucks single-serve cups, and it helps the coffee stand up to everything else once diluted. Shake the concentrate, rum, Aperol, lemon and bitters with ice, and strain into a tall glass with ice—or even better, an insulated water bottle. Top with seltzer; I prefer Topo Chico here, because it’s among the most-carbonated seltzers on the market, and retains a solid fizziness even when mixed with non-carbonated ingredients. Garnish with a lemon wedge if you care about appearances.

Now that’s what a coffee cocktail should be; not watery or lightly-caffeinated. It’s rich, bold, fizzy, and it’ll get your eyes open for even the weakest bottom-tier Big Ten nooner.

Oh, and now that you have Aperol, Kraken, and chocolate bitters on hand, you’re set up for a winter of making The Jules Verne. Thank me when the weather gets colder.

—Scott Hines (@actioncookbook)