Diary of a Snow Shoveler

Whoo, it's really snowing out there, huh?

Well, there's no time to waste–I'd better get out there and start clearing the driveway. Us experienced winter heads know, you can't wait until it's had a chance to settle. You want to get that snow shoveled right away.

Now, where's that shovel? Ahh, there she is. My old, trusted friend. Who needs a snowblower when you've got a good shovel? We're doing this the old-fashioned way: elbow grease, grit, and a desperate need to get out of the house.

sccchhhuck. scccchhuuck.

Ahh, that feels great. I might not be able to get a run in today, but who needs to run when you've got snow to shovel? It's nature's gym!

scccchhhuck. sccchhhuck.

Whew. This is some heavy snow. I can already feel the burn. Gonna earn that pot of chili I'm gonna make later.

scccchhhuckkkk. sccchhhuuuck.

Man, I'm feeling muscles I forgot I had. You know, I bet you could make a whole workout routine out of this. Open a gym where all you're doing is shoveling snow. It'd be the new trendy thing, like fifteen years ago when everyone started flipping tractor tires.

sccchuuuck.

I mean, I guess you'd have to make snow, but I bet you could buy a snow-making machine from a ski resort that went out of business.

sccchuucck.

Ski resorts go out of business, right? I think that was the plot of Out Cold (2001).

I guess you could shovel dirt or sand, too, but it just wouldn't be the same. Snow, that's where it's at. Snow, snow, snooooowwwwww... I want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow...

schuck.

Boy, I've still got a lot of driveway left, huh? 'course, that's why I'm out here now. Look at all those others suckers on the block just letting it pile up. They're not cut out for winter like I am. They don't have what it takes.

shckkkkckckkkkkk.

Little bit of ice there. Don't like that.

shckkk.

I mean, where would I even store a snowblower? Between the kids' bikes and the lawn chairs and my coolers, I don't even have space in the garage for one–and that's even if I wanted one, which I don't.

shhhk.

I wonder how much a shed would be. I could store it in a shed.

shk.

They've got some nice sheds in the parking lot at the Home Depot.

What's that? No, I'm doing great, hon. Almost got the first pass done!

Nice of her to check on me.

schhhuccckck.

She wasn't checking to make sure I wasn't dead out here, was she?

schhhuckk.

Nah. She knows I've got this. Look how far I can throw this snow!

schhhhuuuuuuuck.

Ooh. Tweaked a lil' somethin' there. That's okay–I've got plenty I can ice it down with out here. Ha!

schuuuuck.

I tell you, this is a great way to prove my value to the family. I might not be going out and building a log cabin or hunting our dinner, but I'm digging us out with my bare hands. I'm giving us freedom. No snowstorm is going to trap my family in!

shhhhccuhuckckckk

Heck, I'm gonna go all the way into the street. Not gonna give that plow truck any chance to wall us back in. If you're gonna do it, do it right, amiright?

shckUNK

Oof. Right. Forgot about that seam in the pavement. Felt that one.

Just gonna rest on the shovel for a bit here. Maybe check a few things online.

sccchhuucck. sccccchuuuuck. schuuuuccck. schuuuck.

Huh. Snowblowers aren't as expensive as I thought.

schhhhucck. shchchchchcuuck. schhhhuckkck.

We could use the shed for other stuff, too.

schukkk. schuuuuuck.

I'll just put it in the cart. For later.

shhhhhhuuuuck.

There! Finally clear. We can go anywhere we want now!

[shudders]

Awfully cold out here, though. Think I'll go inside for a week or two.

Friends, it's Friday once again at The Action Cookbook Newsletter.

The snow's here to stay, but I'm clearing a path to the weekend.

Today, I've got:

• some tasty lunchtime wrinkles!
• a cocktail in defiance of the gods of winter!
• music, books, and more!

Grab a shovel. There's work to do.