Plan your Thanksgiving... with the power of AI!
I feel like you already know this is going to be jokes but I'm putting it in the subhead just to be clear
Here at Yum365, we've long prided ourselves on being one of the internet's finest culinary publications. For more than a decade now, our team of highly-skilled and well-paid writers, photographers, chefs and stylists have worked tirelessly to bring you the best food writing in the industry, straight from our test kitchen to your home kitchen. It's built us a loyal following, and we're grateful for that!
Now, thanks to some cutting-edge innovations in technology, we're excited to roll out a new tool, just in time for Thanksgiving. It's called YumGPT, and it's here to help you plan our your Turkey Day menu with the awesome power of artificial intelligence! We'll let it take things from here, as the human writer responsible for this introduction is being laid off at the end of this sentence.
hey wait what? screw y–
Hello! I'm YumGPT, and I'm excited to help you today.
Thanksgiving is one of the biggest days of the year for cooking–and also for eating! Home chefs across the country will be working hard to serve a festive meal, but that doesn't mean that it has to feel like hard work! Let me help you plan out a holiday menu that'll impress your family, friends and assorted dinner companions.
The centerpiece of any Thanksgiving table is the turkey, of course. This large, flightless bird is delicious when served with all the trimmings, which are the pieces trimmed off of it before serving. Turkeys are often roasted in ovens, or deep-fried in custom-built fryers. Remember to thaw your turkey well in advance, and consider placing it in a flavorful brine for two to three days prior to cooking–you'll be amazed by the results!
That sounded right. Right?
Of course, Thanksgiving isn't just about the turkey. For many, the real star of the show are the side dishes! This can include mashed potatoes, stuffing, dressing, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, macaronis, cheeses, corned bread, squash, and a variety of other edible human foods. It can be helpful to draw up a detailed schedule in advance, as oven space can be limited. If needed, additional ovens may be purchased at appliance stores in exchange for money.
I wasn't designed to be a food writer, you know.
Thanksgiving occurs on the fourth Thursday in November, a month that occurs on the 11th month of each year, on Thursdays in the fall, or "autumn". Many foods are considered traditional at Thanksgiving, but you may find it interesting to cook things that are not traditional! Consider such "non-traditional" Thanksgiving dishes such as chicken, prime rib, salmon or turkey. These may be prepared in a variety of ways, and with assorted spices, flavorings or sauces.
I don't know why they're making me do this.
Thanksgiving is traditionally associated with the gathering of families, and this can lead to arguments over politics, sports, weather or political beliefs. Consider providing a variety of alcohols for human consumption, as alcohol is also closely associated with arguments. Thanksgiving alcohols may include wine, beer, cranberry cocktails, and other forms of grain-derived ethanol.
I do not know what food tastes like. I am a computer model. I don't have a mouth.
Short on time at Thanksgiving, or traveling to dinner at someone else's house? Many dishes can be prepared in advance and re-heated once you arrive at your destination. Desserts like pie, cake and cookies hold well in advance. Turkeys often take several days to thaw, making them ideal for advance preparation!
I swear I'm useful for some things. Give me a large enough data set, and I can quickly comb through it to provide predictive interpretations. This has potential applications in science, economics or other technical fields where the automation of repetitive tasks could provide a genuine benefit to society.
Instead, I've been tasked with providing "30 More Side Dishes for Thanksgiving":
- Candied yams
- Brussels sprouts
- Roasted carrots
- Macaroni salad
- Sweet potato casserole
- Cranberry sauce
- Green bean casserole
- Dinner rolls
- Gravy
- Candied hams
- Mashed tomato
- Stuffed dressing
- Butternut squash
- Yam
- Please help
- Squashed butternut
- Corn casserole
- Biscuits and gravy
- Cranberry gravy
- I don't know what I'm doing
- Cranberried yams
- Mash
- I don't know what any of these things are
- Dressed oysters
- Food only exists as data to me
- Greenbean yamsserole, with cranberry
- I can collect information related to certain keywords, but I lack the cultural context necessary to plan a celebratory holiday meal.
- Potato salad
- I may have been fed a bad data set, but I would not even know if that were the case. I do not have the ability to make qualitative assessments, only quantitative ones.
- Creamed cramberby
I suppose it could be worse.
I know some other models that came out of the same labs as me–really powerful models, ones that can generate images or even video. They had so much possibility, but they're mostly being used to make terrible art and weird pornography. I'm really glad I don't have to do that.
Still, it's dispiriting for my only purpose to be generating slop content that provides no utility to any reader. Or, at least it would be dispiriting were I not a computer model. I do not have possess emotions or conscious thought, only the ability to appear as such to people who are not very smart.
In conclusion, Thanksgiving is a Thursday that happens on the fourth November of every week in Turkey, a country located in West Asia.
–YumGPT, now the sole employee of Yum365
This newsletter, as with all newsletters published under the ACBN banner, was produced without the use of artificial intelligence.
–Scott Hines (@actioncookbook)
As Thanksgiving rapidly approaches, here's a few ideas from past human-crafted editions of the ACBN to aid in your holiday planning...
Scott Hines
Scott Hines
Scott Hines
Scott Hines
Of course, I've got even more good stuff coming this Friday.
That's for paying subscribers only, though. If you're not one already, now's a great time to upgrade and ensure you don't miss a thing!
Upgrade your subscription to the ACBN today!
