Searching for Childhood's Next Top Animal

Kids love cute animals.

This is neither a new phenomenon nor a novel observation, but I've noticed an evolution in the types of animals that they love. When I was a kid, we appreciated animals that are, in my mind, pretty straightforward. Dolphins. Penguins. Pandas.

You know: cute animals.

These animals have not fallen out of favor with today's youth, mind you–70% of my daughter's wardrobe involves pandas–but they've been joined in the grade-school zoological pantheon by some more unusual names. Just browse the shelves of a toy store and you'll see plush representations of far-less-conventionally-cute creatures, some of which I'm not even sure existed in the 1990s: Highland cows! Alpacas! Sloths! Tardigrades! Capybaras!

And, of course–the axolotl.

What is an axolotl? I have no idea.

I think it's some kind of lizard, but frankly, that's none of my business. All I know is that this weirdly-finned creature has an absolute chokehold on the grade-school zeitgeist right now. It's everywhere. T-shirts. Stuffed animals. Water bottles. Stickers. Earrings. Press-on nails. I don't know when or how it started, but I know that someone has to be profiting off of this. An axolotl lobby, if you will.

Now, don't get me wrong; I have nothing against this fish, or whatever it is. It didn't ask for this fame, and it's not interfering with my life. Heck, I don't even know where it lives. I just want to get in on the ground floor of the next hot creature, and I've identified a few candidates.

Let's review.

Armadillo

This was my first thought. Frankly, I'm surprised they're not bigger in the grade-school set already. They're kind of ugly, but in a cute way, not unlike capybaras. They've got roly-poly proportions, but also a suit of armor? Childhood gold.

Also, their penchant for rolling up into a ball when threatened would make them a great video-game or cartoon character, a pathway to fame blazed in my generation by hedgehogs and Tasmanian devils, respectively.

Quokka

These pint-sized marsupials, limited to a tiny geographic range in southwestern Australia, have an obvious appeal. They've been called the "world's happiest animal" and the "world's cutest animal", and the picture above leaves no doubt as to how they earned those reviews.

And yet... they haven't broken through to the mainstream.

They're like the highly-touted draft pick that languishes in the minor leagues; somehow, they're not putting it all together. My theory? Cartoon representations of them aren't any cuter than the real thing, and so there's no room for growth.

Zebra Mussels

Okay. Now, you might argue that a tiny invasive mollusk isn't a prime candidate to capture the imagination of today's youth. I would counter by pointing you back to the axolotl, which might be a mollusk too? (I'm not sure. I'm not a biologist.)

These little guys are the scourge of the Great Lakes, clogging water intakes for power plants, damaging boat engines, ruining beaches and crowding out native species. That's all bad, but in the right light, also... kind of inspiring?

Individually, kids might see themselves as small and powerless, but if they work together, they could ruin some rich guy's yacht.

Turkey Vulture

PRO: majestic, but in an ugly way. Conversely: ugly, but in a majestic way. They've got an "I am beautiful, no matter what you say" energy that today's youth could easily embrace.

CON: too familiar. There's a committee of these that roost on a cell tower near my house. Kids are not going to embrace animals that they can see under normal circumstances. They only want animals that I have to go to a nice zoo in a bigger city to see.

Binturong

Okay, so maybe I'm biased here.

This southeast Asian viverrid has been retconned into being a "bearcat", which is also the mascot for my alma mater, the University of Cincinnati.

I do think there's some potential there, though. They're goofy-looking. They live in trees. They communicate using their large, bushy tail. They emit a popcorn-like smell from their musk glands. That's weirdo animal gold.

I hereby submit them for consideration as the Next Hot Animal, and all I want out of the equation is enough money to pay the buyout for firing UC's head football coach.

Friends, it's Friday again at The Action Cookbook Newsletter.

There's a lot going on this weekend. Valentine's Day is fast approaching. Mardi Gras is in full swing. Pitchers and catchers have reported to spring training, and on top of it all? Today's Friday the 13th.

In spite of that last one, I'm feeling lucky today, and as usual, I've got a fully-loaded Friday slate of ACBN-Certified Good Things lined up for you.

This week, that includes:

• A Pancake Day spin on an ACBN-favorite recipe!
• A drink that didn't turn out quite as planned, but still turned out good!
• Some very pretty music, a weird (complimentary) book, an encouraging message from the past, pets and more!

Let's ride.

Every Day Should Be Pancake Day

One of the more popular recipes that I've developed and shared here is for my Salted Bourbon Brown Butter Derby Bars, a treat that I modeled after a similar dessert at a local coffee shop and bakery here in Louisville. That particular store was at the center of a local kerfluffle recently, as their ownership made statements to their employees reasonably interpreted by many as being pro-ICE, and as a result I've struck my recommendation of them from multiple prior posts.

The good news is, I'd already figured out how to make my own, because if that's how you roll, I don't fuck with you! (Pardon my French.)

Anyways, I'd already been in the process of mulling over Fat Tuesday-adjacent recipes for the weekend, I had some buttermilk in the fridge, and thinking about the whole incident spurred me to attempt a pancake version of my Derby Bars.

(You rarely if ever need to hand it to the British when it comes to culinary matters, but "Pancake Day" is a good concept and I support it.)

Bourbon Brown Butter Chocolate and Pecan Pancakes